Tokens poured from the onlookers after I said we “would be right back,” the lines of tips scrolled across the screens of every chat room I was in, later I would imagine that it was a fifty thousand dollar statement. I was sure whatever it was that was going on had been happening for a very, very long time; and there was so much interaction between so many people that in my mind, it would have been impossible to fake.
After the “realization” that the show was actually closer to the Truman Show than Fear Factor, and Mary’s statement that it ended when I “figured out that it was going on”, things continued to get weirder. Internally, the cascade of thoughts and realizations lead me down a dark path. What happened when the show ended? Would I be OK? One of the participants on the computer mentioned that another ‘player’ had ignored their realization that the show was reality, and continued to pretend they didn’t know, out of fear of what happens next… I was sure.
We returned from the proverbial commercial, and Mary offered me some of the pizza she was cooking.. I took a slice and placed it on my desk, enthralled by the conversation flashing before me in the chat room. One participant mentioned that they had been on the show, and that it was “amazing” that they couldn’t figure out what was going on. Another mentioned that I was behind a firewall, and if I could escape (which was possible), I would be able to see the fervor on the internet about what was going on. The implication was that this was some sort of national event, that when people on the “show” figured out that it was happening, everyone tuned in to see their reaction.
Most of this was in my head, but a significant amount of it was prodded by external stimulus. Later I would realize just how much was in my head, and it would lead me back to the questions Mary had asked me weeks earlier in Boca. She asked “how long” and “if it were the matrix or the Truman Show.” The next day, when I began t realize that what I was experiencing was mind control induced, it would become “clear” to me that these questions lead the software to the specific connections and patterns in my brain that were responsible for the answers. Put simply, just asking the questions allowed them to know where and how to stimulate my brain to believe things that were… unbelievable. It enabled them to change my world view, to completely alter how I perceived the world around me, and induce a delusion most would never entertain. At the time, it seemed… like it was reality.
Over the next half hour or so, I began entering more rooms, at the time, it was for no particular reason, however looking back on the situation I imagine it was to prove that it was impossible to escape from “the matrix”. I quickly switched between different chat rooms, and after two changes the girl on the “other end” of the camera screamed with joy.. tokens poured through her chat window.
It was as if they knew the whole world was watching.
Mary came over from the kitchen again, and urged me to eat more pizza. Soon, I wonder if she is somehow drugging me, if the entire thing could be an acid induced dream… I decide not to eat any more. I am now looking at several open cam windows, the feeling that I was in danger of ending the show had subsided, and after one of the girls suggesting that she … might not be opposed to coming on the “show” herself, the idea of “importing” a new person dawned on me.
“Is that what you are doing on there?” Mary asked me, almost instantly, as if she was capable of reading my thoughts. Internally, it was a fantasy, something I would never entertain.. but by the look on Mary’s face, it seemed she was sincerely angry. “Get off that thing.. ” she said to me. I told her that I’d be happy to go upstairs … to bed .. if that’s what she wanted.
“Not right now.” She replied, paradoxically.
I went back to watching my computer, and she said.. “why not come sit on the couch with me instead?” I complied, happy now, and somewhat excited that we were going to be away from the computer. I was still scared inside, wondering what would happen when “they” finally figured out that I knew what was going on. I thought playing along, and pretending, would at least get me through the night, and that was my top priority.
I laid down on the couch next to Mary, and we began kissing. After I began being slightly aroused, a voice came over the speaker from my computer.. “looks like that’s working.” There’s no way anyone could have been able to tell, nobody except for Mary. This happened a few more times, with verbal cues coming from MFC to Mary, eventually one of the girls said something along the lines of “maybe we’re intruding…” to which she replied “No, I like it, its helping me.”
Internally, I registered this as having something to do with the show, that Mary’s goals and mine were not exactly the same. Clearly if the goal of the show were not finding out, her blatantly telling me about it was not helpful to me. This makes less sense in the microcosm of a fake television show, and much more sense in the broad scheme. In effect, it was an allegory for her telling me about the use of advanced technology, where my knowledge of it would be used against me. Much of the strange happenings during this time would be brought back to my memory in the coming years, as the allusions between the actual events and the broad macrocosm would become more clear to me. What it proves is that there was clear foreknowledge of the events coming in my life, whether due to actual prophesy or deliberate intervention is still not entirely clear to me.
Thinking about how her actions were not in line with what I perceived to be my best interest, which is almost comical today, as her actions were most certainly detrimental throughout the entire fiasco, I got up a bit angry at her. I walked towards the computer, and she immediately began following me. She made a special note of the time, “it’s almost 11, we’d better get going upstairs…”
Once we got to the bedroom, we both laid down and turned on the television. Mary began placing pillows very deliberately around the bed, and then moved to the glasses. She specifically placed one glass on each side of the bed, and one on top of the television that was adjacent to the door. While she is doing this, her actions seemed… deliberately contrived, almost as if she were frustrated in having to do it, or upset about what was to come. “I’m really concerned with where the pillows go today,” she commented, in the same annoyed tone, almost to herself. I envisioned a voyeur website interface, with multiple camera angles, I was on to them.
In my mind, the idea that whoever was doing this had the ability to view inside our home through glass dawned on me. It made little sense in reality, but given the strange world I had been engulfed in for the entire night, I didn’t even question it. Mary looked at me in the eyes, and asked a single question, “Is it glass?”
Again, this was in direct response to the thought process I had just gone through. While it was obvious that it was in response to what I was thinking, the idea of mind reading, which had been floated many times in the past during this experience didn’t really register. At the same time, the thought that glass could possibly be used in order to remotely view had no real grounding in science. It has been part of folklore though, and scrying — the act of seeing remotely through bowls of water — was one of the things I had read about. To me, the fact that I didn’t question either thing at the time is proof of the ability of this technology to create a fog in the victims mind, to focus you on specific details, and to take as truth things that are ancillary to what you are focusing on. In this case, I was feeling a little shy… and excited. The “how,” while interesting to me usually, made very little difference to the situation.